form follows function.

Dear Tim Cook, It seems as though you have forgotten one of the most important principles of product design, so allow me to remind you: form follows function.

When it comes to mobile devices, I am an iPhone devotee. Or... at least I was. Like many others I found the iPhone to offer a better user experience, aesthetically cleaner lines and, at least until recently, impressive-spec sporting hardware. Also, I am ashamed to admit that on more than one occasion I waited in a line, in a mall, on a weekday, for an entire morning, just to be one of the first to sport one of your "latest and greatest" offerings. Do you know who is at the mall on thursday morning? Mall walkers, and it is a sad sight to behold.

It seems like you and the crew at Apple has taken some sort of company wide sabbatical. I wonder, has anyone over there beside the lawyers done any work lately? It appears that your primary business these days are patent lawsuits rather than technological innovations. For the richest company on earth, you certainly don't seem intent on staying that way. You are always putzing around with that smart watch thing of yours, but you seem to have forgotten that the wristwatch is dead. And you should know, after all you helped kill it, yet you are determined to bring them back, only this time with a sassy wristband and tons of tiny apps we don't know how we ever lived without. Get real.

You smart people are suppose to be making our lives easier, not giving us more shit to carry around. You want to know the truth Tim? I like not wearing something strapped to my wrist all day thank you very much. And this last round of bullshit updates was the last straw. You took away our 3mm headphone jack in exchange for what? An upgraded camera and slightly less shitty battery? Well you can go ahead and keep that $700 toaster that now comes in space black. I mean, really? You are going to get rid of the headphone jack?  I have never before seen a move more blatantly elitist than that. But obviously the people responsible are not the ones who listen to a lot of music. And if they did they are definitely not the kind of people that would lose their headphones... their one pair of $400 wireless bang & olufsen bluetooth headphones that are always fully charged. Those of us who really love music have no fewer than three and a half sets of headphones at any given time. These things get lost, broken or blown so often they just seem to cycle through our lives in a never ending stream of cheap electronica. And until there is a cheap wireless version that produces the same quality of music and ease of use I will be sticking with that fugly 3mm hole you clearly hate so much. I know you might be too old to remember this, but you once made a product called iPod which changed the world; Everyone on earth had their thingy in your 3mm hole. And now you have stretched it as far as it will go and you are clearly upset that a technology exists which you don't (read: have tried but can't) collect royalties from. 

You are in their own little world over there at 1 infinite loop arent you?! Do you realize that the rise of on-demand virtual machines are making the need for significant investment in personal computers a thing of the past? When the day comes that we no longer a need to carry around a dense rectangular personal communication device, will you be leading the pack of those fighting for our eagerly spent dollars of will you be unveiling a new fanny pack: the iPack (trademark pending).

You are too busy reading the stock ticker on the bottom of the screen to see the news flash on every channel. Well let me clue you in on what's really happening: you haven't invented anything cool in a long time, your phones are 2 years behind, no one can afford a mac pro,  itunes and apple music sucks, no one downloads songs anymore, and people in the real world don't wear a fuckng wrist watch. 

Bottom line: when the public is forced to choose between something that works better, and something that looks better, I choose the former. That's why I'm switching to Android. The new google pixel looks amazing and has tons of usable features. And to be perfectly honest, Siri is kind of a bitch. 


One of the guys whose checks you've been cashing